Confessions of a Fruit Fly

Happy Birthday Rumi... 800 years young!

2007-09-30T14:47:00.000-05:00

When it's cold and raining,
you are more beautiful.

And the snow brings me
even closer to your lips.

The inner secret, that which was never born,
you are that freshness, and I am with you now.

I can't explain the goings,
or the comings. You enter suddenly,

and I am nowhere again.
Inside the majesty.

Big Brother is Real

2007-09-26T07:24:00.000-05:00

Ok ok ok. So this is perfect. It turns out that George Orwell wasn't being paranoid when he thought he was being spied on in the 1930s. According to a spy file just released, he was under surveillance by both the Soviet secret police during the Spanish civil war in 1937, and by MI5 when he was living ("down and out") in Paris. Man, I just love it when life imitates art imitates life...

Don't worry, despite his socialist leanings and the fact that he dressed "in a bohemian fashion both at his office and in his leisure hours", he was cleared of Communist accusations. Oh, but they did find that he was a "bit of an anarchist". Wonder where they got that idea?

Well it's about time!

2007-09-18T20:30:00.000-05:00

For Saudi women to demand the right to drive that is (I'll have none of you make mention of my tooootally necessary sabbatical from the blogosphere).

So as usual, i invite you all to weigh in on the issue. Is this a good thing, or are Saudi women denying themselves a chance to salvage their honour and modesty and dragging themselves down to the depths of permissiveness and sin? I know, I know, you're probably thinking "wait, but what does Dr. Abd Al-'Aziz Al-Fawzan have to say about this?" So here you go:

Gaddafi's Laaaaadies

2007-08-14T09:55:00.000-05:00

They're hot, they fight, they have big guns, and damn, they make those uniforms look good. Did I mention they're virgins? Are there 73 of them? No, only 40. You guessed it, I'm talkin' about Colonel Gaddafi (aka "Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya" or "Brotherly Leader and Guide of the Revolution")'s Amazonian Guard, the elite team of martial arts experts that serve as his personal bodyguards. Ooh, and these ladies mean business:

"All of them swear an oath that they will give their lives for him. They never leave his side, night or day, & he insists they remain virgins. There is no shortage of volunteers for what is seen as a prestigious job. A special training college puts recruits through a tough program. Girls who don't drop out emerge as trained killers, experts with firearms & martial arts. Gaddafi makes the final selection &, despite the virginal tag, rumors abound that he demands their sexual favors."

Ok ok, so they have to be virgins in order to get the job. Then... well, let's call it a harem with attitude. My guess is, if he wasn't the illegitimate leader of an oil-rich country, then we'd probably find him getting whipped down at the local sado-maso.

Get Thin or Die Trying

2007-08-08T11:41:00.001-05:00

For once, this clever little title isn't one I came up with on my own, it's the name of a Facebook group that, along with the groups "Yes, I have an eating disorder. No, it's not your problem" and "Quod me nutrit me destruit" ("What nourishes me destroys me"), serves as a social networking facilitator for girls with eating disorders (read an article about them here). Of course, some claim that these groups serve as support for girls who just happen to be thin, and are "tired of hearing rude comments about [their] perfectly healthy bodies", and accuse obese America for having "lost sight of what healthy really means". Aaaaaaaaaha. Apparently, according to the extensive "thinspiration" photos posted on the group site, young women should strive for the healthy natural weight of these beauties:

(Ok, maybe one of these photos was my own addition)

And with that, courtesy of Mika-obsessed bga, I bring you something "big" and beautiful to contemplate:

Feed the Birds

2007-07-31T13:43:00.001-05:00

Only in the States. In a country where birth control is increasingly difficult for teenage girls to find (especially in Texas, where an emphasis on “abstinence only” has led to the highest teenage pregnancy rate in the country), it is being handed out freely to pigeons by mixing it with their feed. Hollywood residents, apparently, feel that birth control is the most effective and humane way to control the population (psst… World Bank, this might be worth looking into)

Oh yeah, and hey pro-lifers! Where are you now??

ILUVU4URARGLP

2007-07-29T11:29:00.000-05:00

Ok so for all of you who have been asking me what the difference is between Persians and Arabs, I've finally got an answer for you (besides language, culture, history, and food, that is):

So to clarify, Persians enjoy greasing their hair and wearing badly cut suede jackets and pouting, while Arabs enjoy long white robes and exotic birds. Perfect.

This photo is courtesy of my new favourite group on Facebook: RGLP (Ridiculously Good Looking Persians). As their homepage states, "Some people wish for perfection, others are just born Persian!"... please look up this group for some of the most unfortunate photos of Persians I've ever seen. I mean, good lord. Also, look for the pic of Ahmadinejad.

Should I send a pic in and show them how it's done?

I want to go to jail!

2007-07-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

... in the Phillipines!

Their idea of rehabilitation at CPDRC prison seems sound to me:

"Inmates at the CPDRC are required to go through a workout regimen. While the goal is to keep the body fit in order to keep the mind fit, such may not actually happen if it is not done in a manner deemed pleasurable. Music, being the language of the soul, is added to that regimen."

If we stop drinking alcohol, then the terrorists have won

2007-07-26T12:31:00.000-05:00

(although I really do hate that warm beer in the plastic cups... unless I'm at the Jazz Fest and have no choice)

Private citizens, behold yet another way that each of us can do our part to fight Islamic fundamentalism. Drink beer! Better yet, drink beer at Kamal "Van Damme" (yes named after our favourite action movie star)'s treehouse/bar in rural Algeria!

Located in Kabylie region, an Islamist stronghold, this Berber 'aint gonna let these t---lheads tell him what to do. According to eyewitnesses, he didn't even stop serving when a group of Islamists ambushed a military patrol vehicle just 400 metres away (though most of his clients ran away). Oh no, this long-haired, bare-chested mountain man (ooh, don't you just want to meet him?) will not be intimidated by a bunch of sober holier-than-thou militiamen, no siree.

Bottoms up!

Does this come in a hybrid?

2007-07-25T10:46:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I know this post probably belongs in Mr. Phelps' or Detective Brock's blog, but here's how I justify putting it up here:

The middle east produces oil

Cars use oil

This is a car

I know I said I'd never buy one, but that's before I saw this! Ah, otherwise I'll just pick up one of these:

The world's only zero-emissions rocket.

Spiderwoman and Superman, Together at Last

2007-07-24T08:41:00.000-05:00

Thanks to vermin for sending this my way

Good Lord.

2007-07-19T09:41:00.001-05:00

For those of you who were there this weekend...

2007-07-03T14:12:00.001-05:00

Dear Alcohol:

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, beer at the concert, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I pick up poutine at Nouveau Palais at 3 in the morning and washed it down with scotch and then WINE? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Wednesday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

You Clearly Need a Man to Save Women in the Sea

2007-06-27T12:01:00.000-05:00

I'm direct-quoting this post by Jen on Feministing, cause it's perfect as is:

Italy recently opened its first women-only (almost) beach. Great? Uh, not so much. The article says,

"Italy’s long-standing tradition of male chauvinism has been delivered a bitter blow with the opening of the country’s first women-only beach."

Hmm, so far so good. Wait, I see trouble brewing...

"The man ban is accompanied by a restriction on loud disco music and traditional beach food such as deep-fried squid and chips."

Girls hate loud music and fried food. Well, some must, right? Not anyone I know, but it's possible.

"lessons in deportment, manicures, pedicures, keep-fit classes and cookery lessons from a well-known chef are the order of the day."

Thank goodness. The things most lacking in the beaches I go to are cooking and "deportment" lessons. Who the hell takes classes at the beach? Anyone here been to the beach in Italy? Are they all like the Learning Annex? Oh, and about that woman-only thing. There is, of course, an exception. The entire staff is female as well, except for the lifeguard. Why? Good question. Let's find out. The (male) owner of the beach claims

"The lifeguard must be a man. You clearly need a man to save women in the sea. It’s a question of muscles."

Hmm. I'm not sure "clearly" is the word I'd use. Oh, and in case you're thinking it, please spare me the comments about how men tend to be stronger than women. Lifeguard training is lifeguard training. If this is supposed to be a women-only space, then there should only be female life guards. Besides, who has time to drown with all those mani-pedis?

MySpace? That's sooooo working-class

2007-06-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

Well it didn’t take long, did it? A recent study out of the University of California has found that our choice of online social/narcissistic/wasteoftime website is a reflection of our socioeconomic background and career aspirations. Quick – delete your MySpace pages otherwise that means you’re poor (or ethnic, or if you live in the US probably both)! Facebook is where it’s at for us ambitious, educated, wealthier movers and shakers (note: students don’t count as poor even though we have no money, cause one day all of this hard work is going to pay off… right??). The study also points out that while MySpace (used by low-ranking soldiers) has been banned in the U.S. military, Facebook (used by officers) has not. What the f—k? What are guys in the military doing with computers anyway? Shouldn’t they be wrestling or playing football naked in their free time?

I mean, these guys are just wrestling to kill some time, right? I see no problem with that.

Russia and Iran - Two Peas in a Pod

2007-06-19T18:35:00.000-05:00

To continue on DJ Ogo's thought, not only are Iran and Russia the only two real democracies out there, but apparently they also buy their creepy police uniforms from the same supplier (probably China):

Flirting doesn't pay

2007-06-18T20:31:00.000-05:00

So some of us attractive Montreal ladies are going to have to rethink our strategy here. Or at least I will. A study from the University of California has determined that attractive women who flirt at the negotiating table end up worse off (though better liked) than their more (boring, serious, cold) colleagues. What happened to what I learned in Organizational Behaviour class in university? Was my prof lying to me when he said that attractive people tend to get ahead faster because they're perceived as being more honest, intelligent, etc? I was counting on this guys, I really was.

And so it begins...

2007-06-13T20:46:00.000-05:00

Remember when you were a kid and your pet dog/cat went inexplicably berserk one summer evening, and then an earthquake came a few hours later? Animals' instincts are always amazingly accurate. And these instincts are apparently telling nearly every living mammal in southern Sudan to get the f**k out of there. The wildlife conservation society calls it the largest migration of mammals on earth (1.3 million of them, to be exact). Whether they're trying to escape decades of civil war, government-sponsored genocide, or the effects of climate change that threaten to turn most of Africa into an uninhabitable wasteland, we humans are almost certainly to blame. Now I say, just to make sure that none of these precious mammals go extinct, someone should build a boat, a really big one, and take two of each... oh, wait, I think someone's done that already. Well I certainly wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes by blogging about something that wasn't 100% my own original idea. Cause that's what these blogs are all about, right? Fresh ideas, never sourced from anywhere else but our fertile little (or big, rather) noggins. Sheesh.

Sarkozy? Cooler Than I Thought He Was

2007-06-12T16:51:00.000-05:00

(drunk = cool, naturally)
I'm sure you've all seen this, but I just have to put it up here

Kentucky Creation Museum Sets the Record Straight

2007-06-05T22:36:00.000-05:00

Christian anti-Darwinist ministry Answers in Genesis finally opened the doors to their Creation Museum last week in Kentucky, and after reading about this tour I've decided that I have to go. I simply have to.

The earth? Created in six 24-hour days about 6,000 years ago. Dinosaurs and people? Lived on earth at the same time apparently. According to Ken Ham, CEO of the aforementioned ministry, "They all had to exist at the same time because they were all made on the same day. There may not be any fossil evidence showing dinosaurs and people in the same place at the same time. But it is clearly written that they were alive at the same time." Ah, I see. Excellent logic, Ken.

The museum is organized according to "Six C's of History: creation, corruption, catastrophe, confusion, Christ, and the final C, consummation" (anyone living in Montreal today has clearly seen that this last C is on its way).

The scariest part is that a poll conducted before the opening of this museum revealed that 40% of Americans are comfortable with the idea of Creationism, whereas only 39% believe that humans developed from earlier species of Animals (choke, cough). I have an idea. Why don't we Canadians extend immigration visas to that 39%, send Harper and the rest of the population of Alberta down south, seal the borders, and live in our own peaceful, rational little colony? Ooh, and we can send all of Quebec's union leaders down there while we're at it. Anyone else?

Canada's Conservative government = a bunch of good-for-nothing jerks

2007-05-29T18:55:00.000-05:00

Oh, what's that, Stephen Harper and John Baird? (Oh and let's not leave out the Honourable Ms. Ambrose, who after all is responsible for that infamous piece of legislation, the Clean Air Act.) Your government is getting sued for not doing its job? For failing to do a single constructive thing to help protect its citizens from the greatest threat that mankind has ever faced? Interesting. Congratulations, Canada on being the third country in the world to be sued by an environmental activist group for failing to attempt to meet your Kyoto targets. And thank you, Stephen Harper and company, for making me ashamed to be Canadian.

Ode to Malalai Joya

2007-05-22T17:42:00.001-05:00

So Afghanistan's youngest member of Parliament, also its most outspoken female member, has finally been suspended from her post. The reason? It was determined that she had made some innapropriate comments about her fellow parliamentarians. This is, of course, after they threatened her with rape during a house debate. And four attempts have been made on her life by groups connected to the country's warlords - the very same warlords who sit in parliament today. Ah yes, and all this was happening while the Canadian government has been busy hosting President Karzai in Ottawa, and patting themselves on the back for their supposed success in bringing peace and democracy, and oh yes even women's rights, to Afghanistan. Where will Canada be when they finally kill her? Looking the other way, I suppose?

Of course, she wasn't the only woman to get kicked out of office this week - read on.

The Fashion Police Strike Again

2007-04-30T18:03:00.000-05:00

Persian hipsters beware: Iran's revolutionary guardsmen have just been given another excuse to arrest "enemies of the revolution"... your hair. And not just on top of your heads, oh no. Not only are "western hairstyles" banned for men (ladies, keep on doin' whatever it is you're doing under those headscarves), but barbers have been banned from serving customers wearing ties (a symbol of subservience to the west), and from plucking their clients' eyebrows. In a land of abundant facial hair, I don't have to tell you what this means. While monobrows were indeed a symbol of (feminine) beauty in the Qajar period, that was a hundred years ago, and times have changed. Add this new regulation to the already present ban on shaving for workers in the public sector (a huge chunk of the workforce), and you'll have a country full of savage looking beasts. Which is arguably just an extension of their foreign policy these days...

Quebec Gets Something Right

2007-04-20T19:28:00.000-05:00

Just thought I'd give the Quebec government props for having the first cabinet in North America with an equal number of men and women serving, with Yolande James, our first black minister among them. Brava!

Now if only Charest could have found the time to include more than ONE anglophone... hey, Charest, you're leader of the Liberal party of Quebec, remember? Liberal? Who do you think still voted blindly for you out of sheer fear of separation, not because you deserve to be in power? Hmm?

Students, get off your asses

2007-04-17T15:22:00.000-05:00

Yes, students, I know you would much rather sit around smoking pot all day pondering the meaning of life. I'm sure many of us wish we had that luxury. In an ideal world, everything would be free, and nobody would have to work, and we'd all get along and also, there would be world peace.

Snap out of it, people. If you want to get anywhere in life, you're going to have to WORK for a living. You think that free university education is a right? Well guess what? Article 26 of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights seems to indicate that free elementary education is a right. As it stands today, close to 100 million children have yet to exercise that right - and what have you done about that? Most of you have done nothing, as you're too busy drinking beer and whining about having to pay for your privilege to attend university.

Oh, or for those of you in France who already enjoy free universtiy education, my favourite complaint about imposing fees: "Your students have to work while at university to pay their way. We don't want to end up like you in Britain or America" (more on that here). Awwww.... you know what I have to say to that? Boo-fucking-hoo you bunch of babies. You know what? I don't want to work either. In fact, I never want to work work a day in my life, but still make millions. And I want to eat champagne and foie gras every night for dinner and never get gout. Is that going to happen? NO. Same goes to you, you lazy assholes. Maybe that's why France is in such an economic shambles - nobody wants to work for a living.

And as for you, Quebec students, is that what you aspire to? If so, congratulations, cause with a bloated public sector and an annual fiscal debt (yes, Quebec, you are a debtor province - do you understand what that means if you separate from the federal government?), Quebec is well on its way. And so what is it exactly that you hope to accomplish by abolishing the pittance that we pay in tuition today? Even fewer qualified professors to teach us, because we don't have the money to offer them decent salaries? Or was it further diminshed student services and equipment you were after? Hmm? One thing is for certain, Quebec used to be known for housing some of the country's best universities at a cheap price. Pretty soon all they'll be known for is being cheap. And all this because you bums don't want to get off your asses and work a few hours a week to support yourselves. I suppose the interest-free student loans don't interest you either, since you probably won't feel like working to pay them off after you graduate. And for those of you who complain about not being able to get jobs after graduating, maybe that's because employers look for people who take a little initiative and work toward their own future instead of expecting it all to be delivered into their doughey, lazy lap.

That is all. Back to studying for exams.

The Unexpected Republic of Iran IV: A Soldier's Rewards

2007-04-09T17:52:00.000-05:00

Ok so last week disaster was averted, and the Iranian hostage crisis, part II, was settled peacefully (sidenote: does everyone remember that Ahmadinejad, then just a dreamy revolutionary youth, was part of the team that created the first hostage crisis in 1979?). So Iran didn't go to war. Well I know one soldier who will be disappointed (pictured below, being awarded by soon-to-be Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei for his hard work on the battlefield during the Iran-Iraq war):

Ok, so just to recap: being homosexual is against the law, unless you get a sex change, or you're wearing the long black clerical robe indicating that you're a descendent of the Prophet Mohammad, and you just feel like kissing a young, strong, brave soldier. Got it.

And now we can go back to our regular programming.

The Unexpected Republic of Iran III: Marriage, by the Hour

2007-04-02T07:30:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows that extramarital or premarital sex is a big no-no in Islam, and consequently in the Islamic Republic. Revolutionary Guards patroll the streets looking for young couples to catch in the act of love (ie: holding hands or riding in a car together). Well we can just imagine how difficult this might be to actually enforce. Enter Shi'ite Islam's little known law: Sigheh (or in Arabic Mut'ah lit "joy"). This law sanctions temporary marriage for the purposes of satisfying sexual desire. This marriage can last as little as a few minutes, or as long as 99 years (the younger men probably only need a few minutes). An interesting New York Times article from a few years ago details this law's reception and use in what is still a very traditional society. There are a couple of leading figures in the country who see it as I do: a way to release the pent-up energy of the youth in a country, who represent the vast majority of the population (today it's something like 70% under 25).

As one cleric put it, because God banned alcohol, he allowed temporary marriage. And according the editor of a feminist magazine, "they will use up some of the energy they are putting into street demonstrations". Well exactly. Interestingly enough, the clerics are among the first to make use of this law, so they should be the first to understand it.

The Unexpected Republic of Iran II: Want a Sex Change? It's On Us!

2007-03-29T20:14:00.000-05:00

Bet you didn't see that one comin', eh?

Of course, the report is done by an Arab news station, as the Iranian government probably doesn't want to advertise this controversial fatwa of Khomeini's. But, as we all know, there are no "takesies-backsies" when it comes to fatwas, so they have to keep payin' for them. Just one concern, though (okay, well several, but i'll only mention one): judging from all the botched nose jobs I've seen on the streets of Tehran, what kind of...?

The Unexpected Republic of Iran I: Hypernova

2007-03-29T12:12:00.000-05:00

Attention everyone! New theme of the week here!! Though I'm still a fan of criticising the Iranian government (and anyone who knows me knows how much I looooove criticising governments), I think it's time to show you another, unexpected side of our favourite Islamic Republic.

So what better way to express this to my audience than to highlight an Iranian hipster band who recently made the perilous journey from Tehran to New York to play a gig? Hypernova, with their greasy hair, ripped jeans and devil-may-care attitude belong right in our very own mile-end. Except these kids are cooler - you know why? Because they're actually using rock to fight the establishment, and not just pretending to like our home-spun variety. Since Ahmadinejad banned western music in 2005, as frontman Raam points out, "we're jeopardizing our lives every show we play" (which, granted, is mostly in basements and at teenage girls' birthday parties, but beggars can't be choosers, right?).

Check out their myspace page

Bao Xishun finds love!

2007-03-28T07:34:00.000-05:00

After placing a personal ad looking for a wife, the world's tallest man has finally found her! At 7'9", his wife-to-be is more than 2 feet shorter, at 5'6". Now, I don't mean to be indecent, but how do they...? And, I mean, is everything... proportional? This is a man who was asked to use his extra-long arms to extract plastic from a sick dolphin's stomach, after all...

Rape, murder... and other "erotic dreams"

2007-03-26T19:26:00.000-05:00

The above photos come from a recent episode of America's Next Top Model, where they had the girls do a fashion shoot in various "I just got murdered" poses. I don't know if anyone saw this, but as I don't watch TV it just came to my attention now (the episode aired earlier this month)... does anyone else see anything wrong with this? Scantily clad women posing as though they had just suffered a violent death (look closely - one of the girls has actually 'had her organs removed')... to promote fashion? Especially when one considers the judges' praise:

Miss J: What's great about this is that you can also look beautiful in death.

Tyra: She's making those clothes look kind of fierce.

Nigel: It's a great shot. Death becomes you, young lady.

Miss J: These are broken-down dolls. These are busted up, broken-down dolls, marionettes.

Nigel: The look on your face is just extraordinary. Very beautiful and dead.

And the criticism:

Nigel: All the other girls managed to have some sort of spark even in this sort of morbid situation. I think I look at you in this picture, and you actually just look dead.

Nigel: I agree that this is a fashion shot, but you don't look dead to me. You look like you're dying.

The pics call to mind a certain now infamous ad created by our good friends Domenico and Stephano (the same guys who brought us children's clothing ads featuring 6-old-girls with their legs spread):

When asked about the intended message of this advertisement, Stephano Gabbana said in their defense that the ad was not meant to promote gang rape, but merely to recall an "erotic dream" (of gang rape, presumably)

So if these are the types of fantasies that we're trying to get men in 'civilized' countries to recall, then all of a sudden the lady detective's findings aren't so shocking after all...

Teddy? Is that you?

2007-03-21T17:47:00.000-05:00

Oh, wait, I remember what happened to him.

Looks like there's no shortage of evangelical preachers to take Ted Haggard's place - apparently in response to an article in Radar magazine, evangelical leader Reverend Albert Mohler Jr. has managed to enrage just about everyone with his latest article Is Your Baby Gay? What If You Could Know? What If You Could Do Something About It? where he supports the idea that homosexuality may have biological origins (yaaay!) which could be detected in the womb and 'cured' with hormone therapy while the baby is still in utero (noooo!). But it gets even more complicated when you consider that this is they same guy who is squarely against any sort of intervention in the womb (meddling with God's will, if you will), such as genetic manipulation or abortion of a fetus that it is known will be born with a handicap. Ah but homosexuality isn't a handicap, you see, it. is. a. sin.

Now. I have just one more question. What to do with all those darn homo-sexuals who have already been born? Ahmadinejad says "hang 'em in a public square":

(This photo was taken July 2006 when two teenage boys were hung on chargest of homosexuality. Executing minors seems to be a favourite passtime or the regime, these days)

Sol-eh noh mobarak (happy new year)

2007-03-20T08:03:00.000-05:00

Ah, noh-rouz. Time to celebrate the new year, the spring solstice... in blackface?

Click here for a countdown.

Children are the future

2007-03-19T18:40:00.000-05:00

These kids need to get themselves some proper role models - FAST. Every time I even try to summarise everything that is so, so very wrong about this video, I go through a series of emotions, from incredulity, to anger, to hopelessness. If we took a tiny fraction of what Western states spend collectively on the military and invested it in schools where children could learn something other than how to recite violent jihadist rhetoric (or to deny evolution, or to believe that palestinians are ethnically inferior to jews, or that it's ok to wear sandals outside last week when there was still snow on the ground) then we wouldn't have to spend so much on our military defence capabilities, because young dhoha and muhammad wouldn't be strapping bombs to their chests to join mama in paradise.

Also, this video serves as yet another reminder that the West needs to stop its embargo on the Palestinians. We simply must get some money to them so they can do something about that TV show's awful set.

Israel and the US milking the 9/11 cow

2007-03-19T18:33:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry, but these Iranian TV cartoons never get old for me.

Singapore Airlines: the docile, Asian American Apparel?

2007-03-13T13:57:00.000-05:00

Ok so there are no spread legs, tight-bummed (underage) girls in thongs, or suggestive captions (such as the most recent that I've seen on the bus: the word "tight" accompanying a picture of a topless young girl in nothing but pantyhose sticking her rear-end out suggestively at the camera, implying to the audience that the description doesn't just apply to her attire)...

But Singapore Airlines' advertisements, which appear in full-page format in magazines such as the Economist, appeal to another male fantasy. I'll let you guess which one:

I mean, they may as well promise brothels full of "comfort women" upon landing. Oh, wait, according to Shinzo Abe last week, those never existed. What's that, Shinzo? Time to apologize for the gang rape of hundreds of thousands of women?

Nuclear PO-WAH

2007-03-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

Ah, the irony of using ten-year-old computer animation technology to show the people how technologically advanced they are. In reality, judging by the rest of the infrastructure in the country, those nuclear power plants are already probably leaky and nonfunctional, before they've finished being built.

P.S. Who is the giant peanut? Russia? I don't recognize the flag.

Happy women's day!

2007-03-08T07:21:00.000-05:00

Did women once rule the world? Many pre-historic archaeologists say yes. This was a time before weapons were perfected. In a time when weapons are capable of the greatest damage man (yes, man) has ever known, it's about time we take over again and fix this mess. Check out the UN's women watch site to see how we're doing.

Like a virgin

2007-03-05T19:17:00.000-05:00

A message to all those (Muslim) married ladies out there: afraid your husband may be losing sexual interest? Don't want him to take on a second, younger, virgin wife? Fear no more - there's a product on the market out there just for you! "Virginity Soap" promises to "constrict and tighten, creating that coveted look and feel of virginity" (according to blogger Sand gets in my eyes). Available at a 5-Riyal store near you:

While Muslim men's penchant for virgins isn't showing signs of letting up just yet, Sheikh Ali Gomaa, the Grand Mufti of Egypt, has issued a fatwa declaring that men do not have the right to demand proof of their wife's virginity. To quote: "Any man who is concerned about his prospective wife’s hymen should first provide a proof that he himself is virgin."

Baby steps...

Move over, Baudelaire

2007-03-04T14:59:00.000-05:00

On a lighter note, I'd like to thank L for bringing the above photograph to my attention. Dandyism takes on a decidedly Indian twist in the look of our friend Sir Raghubir Singh.

"The wealthy man, who, blasé though he may be, has no occupation in life but to chase along the highway of happiness, the man nurtured in luxury, and habituated from early youth to being obeyed by others, the man, finally, who has no profession other than elegance, is bound at all times to have a facial expression of a very special kind."

Indeed!

Bush prepares to bring it

2007-02-28T23:49:00.000-05:00

Ok ok, so you've all been reading about this in the papers the past few weeks, and I've delayed comment until now. Bush has moved a second US navy aircraft carrier strike group into the Persian Gulf, and according to last week's New Yorker, has also set up a planning committee to come up with an airstrike plan against Iran that can be made effective within 24 hours. Meanwhile, the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff has declared a "zero chance" of war with Iran, citing all of the reasons that we in the rational world are all aware of as to why such a war would be collossaly stupid for the US to get involved in. Five generals and admirals in the US army have announced that they will resign if an attack on Iran is ordered. Clearly, there's trouble in Washington. Well, that's all well and good, but there will be more generals and admirals lined up to take their place, with more malleable consciences and more pitiful IQs. There is no shortage of collossaly stupid, short-sighted, racist, narrow-minded, etc people in the Bush administration, and in the armed forces. Case in point:

"Do you have any idea how many Generals their are in the U.S. If it is true a few will resign so be it, they can give up their 10 to 15 thousand dollar a month retirement. If they can't obey the orders of the Command in Chief, the President of the US, they shouldn't be in the military. I agree with Christopher, the only thing these extremists know is a bullet in the head. I say stop playing around with them, lets bring the full force of the United States on them. I can't believe some of the comments and articles I've read here and in the Russian paper. What has happened to this world, we seem to spend more time and effort fighting each other than fighting the evil forces of this world... Most of Europe, Russia and China are a joke in our efforts. I think we should relocate the UN to one of their countries and stop our 5 billion dollar funding. They can take all their spies with them.. I have served my country and never once I asked why, I just did it as it was my duty...."

- Michael L. Blair, Retired USAF, Colorado Springs, USA/Colorado

This comment was posted in response to the article I've linked to above, which was published by the Times. Let's ignore the grammatical and punctuation errors, shall we? That leaves us with a military man from Colorado, calling the Iranians extremists. I'd like to take a walk through the streets of Colorado Springs holding up a mirror.

Yes, Ahmadinejad is a nutjob trying to instigate the great battle between Good and Evil in order to bring back the 12th Imam, who has been hiding since the 9th century, and who will come back to earth on the Day of Judgement and restore peace on earth. Unless by 'Imam' he means 'atomic bomb', and by 'Day of Judgement' he means 'nuclear winter', then there is no doubt as to his delusion. Unfortunately, neither is there any doubt as to George W. Bush's delusions of achieving world domination and turning all its citizens into replicas of our friend Michael Blair from Colorado Springs. So attack Iran they will, and such an attack will almost certainly wipe out any hope they had of reclaiming the hegemonic status that has slipped through their fingers. While some might be tempted to breathe a sigh of relief when this happens, I'm afraid that the alternative is much, much worse. Get your headscarves ready, ladies.

That's Ms. Priest to you

2007-02-27T16:56:00.000-05:00

Ok well aside from Pat Priest, I've spotted some new lady priests on the horizon. And not from where you'd expect, my dears. Looks like Islam beats the Catholics on this one: Morroccan Muslims have recognized women "priests" (as the bbc puts it - how cute). Oh yes, that's right. These female religious leaders, called the Mourchidat, are permitted to perform all the functions of their male counterparts, except for leading prayer. This law is far from being accepted in other Muslim countries - Morocco is still the leader when it comes to women's rights, with 35 female MPs (and these with a higher average level of education than the men they work with - zzzinnnnng!). Still, in a country where the King claims to be a descendent of the prophet, it's pretty impressive.

Bloggers, unite!

2007-02-22T07:58:00.000-05:00

Blog comrade Kareem Amer has been sentenced to four years in Egyptian prison, having been charged with the following:
- Spreading data and malicious rumors that disrupt public security
- Defaming the President of Egypt
- Incitement to overthrow the regime upon hatred and contempt
- Incitement to hate “Islam” and breach of the public peace standards
- Highlighting inappropriate aspects that harm the reputation of Egypt and spreading them to the public

This is the first blogger that has actually been sentenced to jail time for the contents of his blog. We must not stand for this! In a show of solidarity, I ask you all to do the following: defame our own leader, and highlight 'inappropriate' aspects of the Canadian government and spread them to the public (incitement to hate Islam is just too easy). Do it!

Check out the free Kareem site as well to sign the petition (hey, they can be helpful, just remember Avenue Robert Bourassa!) and get more info.

Modern Love IV: 现代爱 (Modern Love)

2007-02-19T08:58:00.000-05:00

I've finally found it. Forget lavalife - I've got a foolproof plan for all you women out there who want to find yourselves a partner for this life and the next: move to China. Since the 1970s, Chinese parents have been allowed only one child. Since a baby boy is by far preferable to a baby girl, as we all know, most of these parents opted for a son. Fast forward to 2007 - we have a grave situation here. Only so many of them can be gay. The proportion of men to women in the young adult population is waaaay off, meaning that just about every girl will have several suitors to choose from. Sound good?

Now in case that doesn't work out, don't hop on that return flight just yet! You have one more chance to pair up - and make a few bucks while you're at it. All you have to do is head over to the Loess Plateau region, where "minghun" (afterlife marriage) is still practiced. According to this tradition, dead bachelors are buried with recently deceased women, who will accompany them in the afterlife. Price tag on a live mail-order bride? $1,840. Price tag on a woman's recently deceased body? $2,390. Having a soulmate for all eternity? Priceless. This looks to be a growing trade - I hear there are lots of bachelors in China.

Modern Love III: Modern Love (David Bowie)

2007-02-14T08:25:00.000-05:00

(sigh), the thin white duke.

Modern Love II: Internet Pyar (Internet Love - Indian Style)

2007-02-13T08:26:00.000-05:00

To continue this weeks theme of "modern love", I bring you a report on India's novel use of the internet. As we all know, a good arranged marriage is hard to come by these days. Enter the internet - and we have a growing market for online matrimonial match-making sites. Users can search by caste, career, or region - all the things that are most important when choosing a suitable mate...

You know, as I write this in my usual mocking tone, it occurs to me that this isn't a terrible idea after all. Statistics show that arranged marriages tend to last longer than "love" marriages. If a gal can find her ideal man online, with all the specs she desires, who needs love anyway?

Modern Love I: Eshghe Interneti (Internet Love)

2007-02-11T23:02:00.000-05:00

Ahmadinejad may have banned high-speed internet in Iran, but these kids are thoroughly modern (and apparently take their style cues from New Jersey from the looks of it). Listen for the "you've got mail" sample.

Too far?

2007-02-07T20:24:00.000-05:00

... a Disney world in Bahrain, that is (not my cartoon). Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, apparently sick and tired of having to take his private jet all the way to Tokyo or Paris, is in talks to see if he can't get one built a little closer to home. Why didn't anyone think of this earlier? Why hasn't anyone thought of building a huge monument to the United States in one of the only countries in the world with a Shi'ite majority (the other two being Iraq and Iran), plagued by popular uprisings against the Sunni minority ruling class who are seen as illegitimate and criticized for playing into the hands of the United "Great Satan" States? I mean, the economy is great!

Let's put that universal language to work!

2007-02-06T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ok see the posting below, if you haven't already. Then watch this video.

Now, try watching the video again, but replace the subtitles with the following:

"do, a deer, a female deer
re, a drop of golden sun
mi, a name i call myself
fa, a long long way to run
sol, a needle pulling thread
la, a note to follow so
ti, a drink with jam and bread
that will bring us back to do (oh-oh-oh)"

isn't that nice? It really does work! Persians and Arabs can get along!

Do re mi fa sol la si do!

2007-02-06T08:13:00.000-05:00

Music is always touted as a universal language... but Francois Sudre (d. 1862) took this notion a step further and invented Solresol, a very simple language that people from around the world could use to communicate with eachother, thus eliminating the need to study foreign languages. In order to make it neutral, he used the seven syllables of music as the basis (see title).

As one website puts it: "Of course, the French will always speak French, the English will always speak English, the Russians will always speak Russian, etc., but Solresol will be the common link, the universal means of communicating one's thoughts, in speech or even without speech, from afar as well as up close, in secrecy as well as in broad daylight."

(sniff), that's beautiful. Maybe now we can all try to understand eachother and stop the fighting.

Keep it in your pants, Israel

2007-02-01T07:53:00.000-05:00

Only a short while after the scandalalous rape and sexual abuse charges were leveled against Israel's president Moshe Katsav, former justice minister Haim Ramon has been convicted of "forcibly kissing" a 21-year-old female soldier at a "let's bomb the shit out of Lebanon" shindig at the Defense Ministry this summer. He claims she was flirting with him, and that therefore the kiss was consensual. She has countered that he is 8 years older than her father, and that no-one in their right mind would flirt with him. Apparently, what he considers "flirting" is her asking him to pose in a picture with her. For Katsav, it was enough that these women simply worked in the same office as him.

Now, I would like to direct your attention to the two photos above. Ramon (top) and Katsav (bottom), I have a message for you: you are old, ugly, fat, and disgusting. Nobody is ever going to flirt with you, nobody ever did, and if you ever got laid it was because you exploited your positions of power. Go hire yourselves some prostitutes like everyone else (I hear there are a lot of Iraqi women offering their services in Syria now since all other ways to earn a livelihood have been destroyed)

(p.s. this is purely an anti-Israeli government officials rant, and has nothing to do with my feelings for the Jewish people or faith. I love Jews! Right P.P.?)

Paedophilia, continued ...

2007-01-30T15:45:00.000-05:00

Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini's take on marrying and having sex with underaged girls:

"A man can marry a girl younger than nine years of age, even if the girl is still a baby being breastfed. A man, however is prohibited from having intercourse with a girl younger than nine, other sexual acts such as foreplay, rubbing, kissing and sodomy is allowed. A man having intercourse with a girl younger than nine years of age has not committed a crime, but only an infraction, if the girl is not permanently damaged. If the girl, however, is permanently damaged, the man must provide for her all her life. But this girl will not count as one of the man's four permanent wives. He also is not permitted to marry the girl's sister." (You can read his whole fatwa here)

Hmm... wonder which one he would perform on that tasty little thing pictured above?

And now, a question for my readers: is this better than priests sodomizing young boys whom they haven't taken vows with, or worse? Please post a comment to let me know what you think.

Catholics oppose paedophilia... wait - really?

2007-01-24T19:55:00.000-05:00

Well apparently. The director of the New-York based Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, Bill Donohue (that's Bill, not Phil), is calling for the indpendent film Hounddog to be banned, because it features a rape scene with a 12-year-old girl as the victim. According to him, sodomy and paedophilia are a Hollywood - and therefore Jewish - phenomenon, being imposed on family-loving, God-fearing, good Catholics such as himself:

Interesting. And yet the top 10 search results on wikipedia using the words "sodomy" and "pedophile" only turn up one religion-related entry: "Roman Catholic sex abuse cases". Hmm. And on Google, the same search only gets me article after article about sodomozing-pedophile Catholic priests... and one about a Republican (of course). B-but... I must be searching wrong, right Mr.Donohue? Where are all the Jews?

Khosh Omadin beh Tehran (Welcome to Tehran)

2007-01-23T15:06:00.000-05:00

Nice to know some things are universal. Like bad rap.

The burkini has arrived

2007-01-16T22:59:00.001-05:00

No, that's not what it looks like. I'd totally wear one if it was, though. But the burkini does exist, thanks to its invention by a Sydney-based Muslim designer. Muslim women can now take to the beach in one of these sexy little numbers! (appreciative whistle)

Future Husbands of the Week: These Guys!!

2007-01-15T23:32:00.000-05:00

For those of you who haven't seen the undeniable beauty in the Koranic phrase "and beat them", it's time for you to get school'd. You see, rather than viewing the Koran as a spiritual document, it is more useful to conceive of it as a manual on life and, more importantly, on how to deal with "wives". As a microwave manual tells us not to put anything metal in it, untold dangers await men who do not heed the Koran's advice regarding the treatment of wives. Rods are best.

Mmm... nothing makes me feel the masculinity and power of my husband than getting a good beating. In fact, I crave it. What's with these rules, though? No bruising or bleeding? What kinds of beatings ARE these guys giving then? A slap? A little pinch, perhaps? Pussies.

Fashion police!

2007-01-11T19:59:00.000-05:00

Literally. The police force of our favourite Islamic Republic recently hosted a fashion exhibition. Yes that's right. The goal? To give young Iranian women a little advice about the dos and don'ts when it comes to Islamic fashion, naturally. Here's one of their examples of what not to wear:

Umm... yeah, thanks guys. I'll keep than in mind next time i get the urge to dress up like an Islamic exotic bird. And what about those two guys in the background? Is a maroon t-shirt tucked into pale jeans a "do" or a "don't"? Help me, fashion police!

Why rich men like to date Montreal barmaids

2007-01-09T00:21:00.000-05:00

First of all, Canada finally has a society magazine! Just like the Hamptons! And what a society magazine it is, people. Printed on the glossy pages of the autumn issue is an article written by a wealthy (crescent street trolling) man who likes to date Montreal barmaids... and not just any barmaids, oh no. According to our friend (who deserves a swift kick in the nuts) 'Simon Dice', students working at bars to pay their way through school are just no fun. Here's a little guide to help you tell the difference between them and the ideal barmaid/piece of meat:

Why do Mr.Dice and his friends seek these girls out? Well, naturally, because those belonging to the category on the right have a vulnerable care-free attitude, and these guys feel the need to help them out. The poor things. The worst part is, these girls probably feel lucky to have landed one of these fat, bmw-driving, Pino restaurant-dining, Newtown happy hour-attending assholes. Or is the worst part that men like our friend Simon exist in the first place? (L - if you're wondering why I haven't found the sugar daddy of my dreams...)

Please take the time to read the article/embarassment-to-the-field-of-journalism below, which I took the time to scan and upload just to prove to you all (and to posterity?) that I'm not making this up. If you can make it past the glaring typos, misspellings and horrificly 'gino' grammar, you'll come across GEMS like these:

"all the good ones are taken already and what's left out there is a bunch of desperate spinsters"

"typical woman, always finding a problem and making it bigger than life"

barmaid: "back in Russia the men treat us like objects, and you treat us like human beings" (emphasis added)

- desperate spinster, montreal

2007-01-09T00:17:00.000-05:00

Future Husband of the Week: Noah Charney

2007-01-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

This guy is the classic tall, dark & handsome mysterious type. While pursuing his PhD in art history at Cambridge, he has founded a consulting firm to help authorities solve art theft crimes. Based on which pieces the thieves steal and the way they steal them, he puts together a profile of the criminal to help the police catch them. He might as well be James Bond. Can't you just picture him in a dark suit with his hair slicked back?

Props to the lady detective who found this one.

Benghazi? Ben-crazy!

2006-12-19T14:01:00.000-05:00

These five Bulgarian nurses and Palestinian doctor have just been sentenced to death (by firing squad) for the second time. All five were working at Benghazi hospital (in Libya) when an AIDS epidemic broke out, infecting 400 children. So the Libyan president immediately drew the most rational conclusion: it was clearly "orchestrated by either the CIA or Mossad, the Israeli security service", and these health care workers had been sent there to carry out this eeeeevil Zionist plan. As you would. Read the whole story if you haven't already.

And now look at the picture more closely. The Palestinian doctor is kinda cute, right?

South Africa joins the ranks

2006-12-14T08:44:00.000-05:00

This is a week and a half late, but kudos to South Africa for legalizing gay marriage! Now, if only Tanzanian bishops could be as open-minded...

Immature post of the week: Indian men need smaller condoms

2006-12-11T10:37:00.000-05:00

(teehee)

I'm just surprised that this news bit isn't coming out of Japan, from what I hear (ooh, ouch, that was below the belt). But yes, apparently condoms sized to international standards are just too big for the majority of Indian men, who are demaning a wider variety of sizes to be made available. Now, ladies, we all know the old saying... Kama Sutra, anyone?

Tehran hosts Holocaust (denial) conference

2006-12-11T10:08:00.000-05:00

I just couldn't put up a picture for this one, guys - anything that could possibly be relevant would just be too offensive. So yes, surprise surprise, Tehran is hosting an international conference to investigate the Holocaust. Attendees range from former Klu Klux Klan members to (wait for it) a number of Orthodox Jews who, while they don't deny that the Holocaust happened, oppose its invocation as a justification for acts of aggression against the Palestinians. Um... yeah. I'm going to hate to say I told you so when Ahmadinejad gets what he appears to be asking for over and over.

One of the most outspoken critics of the conference is Iran's sole Jewish MP. Wait a minute. What?!? Iran has a Jewish MP? That has to be awkward.

The House saves the day

2006-12-10T12:23:00.000-05:00

175 and 123 are the magic numbers people. While they mean that the same-sex marriage issue will not be re-opened in government, despite Harper-the-intolerant's best efforts, they also mean that there are 123 members of Parliament who have a problem with gay marriage. I call these people... Canada's Conservative Party. And we need to get rid of them before they ruin Canada's international reputation and jeapordize the planet's future... oh, wait, too late.

Italy loves fatties, too (but japan doesn't)

2006-12-04T00:12:00.000-05:00

Well I think we've all seen this picture before, and we've all heard about Madrid banning severely underweight models on their runways, but glad to see that the trend is catching on. And Milan is a much more important city to enact a law like this in: models with BMIs lower than 18.5 or younger than 16 years of age are no longer allowed to do their little thing on the catwalk. Also banned is make-up to create dark undereye circles, because it is considered part of the 'anorexic look'. You can tell they had stylists on the panel.

And meanwhile, two Japanese politicians have vowed to lose weight to encourage others to lead a healthier lifestyle. The process (including photos of their bellies) will be posted on a web log that I can't seem to find.

Remember, folks, the ratio of overweight to malnourished people in this world is 5:3...

The Next Great Prime Minister

2006-11-30T21:51:00.000-05:00

Sounds like a reality TV show to pick Canada's next Prime Minister, doesn't it? Well that's cause it is, sort of. This coming March, four former Canadian Prime Minsters will serve as judges on this show to pick the most able would-be leader of Canada.

So one has to wonder if there will be a pirouette competition... behind a queen perhaps...

(I love how I read about this on a British news site, by the way)

Round up them Muslims!

2006-11-29T17:31:00.000-05:00

Ok so I'd like to start by apologizing to the three of you who read this blog. I had to take a little time off to attend to some scholarly matters, and I'm sorry if you've been checking this page feverishly several times a day to see what quirky insight I would have into current affairs, only to be disappointed over and over again.

But this one's good, if you haven't heard it already. A couple of days ago, as a joke/social experiment talk show host Jerry Klein started his show by suggesting that all Muslims be forced to wear "idenifying markers". He said: "I"m thinking either it should be an arm band, a crescent moon arm band, or it should be a crescent moon tattoo." (4:00).

Here are a couple of the responses he got:

"Not only do you tattoo them in the middle of their foreheads; you round them up and then ship them out of this country, period." (15:58)

"I don't think you go far enough... you have to set up encampments like they did during World War II like with the Japanese and Germans." (23.50)

It's actually worth scrolling to the bottom of this page to listen to the whole thing, especially the end when he blasts them for buying into it.

Proud to be Persian

2006-11-16T23:58:00.000-05:00

Iran is finally making progress in policy matters. Thanks to Ahmadinejad's cracking down on Iran's wanton publishing industry, the country's youth will be spared from the consequences of the previous president's "cultural indulgence" and "relaxed attitude". As we all know, culture has been clearly demonstrated to encourage immoral behaviour and sex before marriage. Allah only knows what would have happened if Mahmoud hadn't stepped in when he did - we might have ended up with another Pakistan on our hands.

A royal victory!

2006-11-16T23:44:00.000-05:00

Ok so I'm sorry for the headline. I tried to avoid one of those, I really did, but I couldn't help it. Anyway, so France is on the way to having its first female president! And she's a socialist! And she don't look to bad in a bikini for a 53 year old, do she?!

So to answer those pertinent political questions/comments from her competitors for leadership of the socialist party - ie: "who will take care of the children?" and "she'd be better off staying at home" - "someone else" and "f--k you"!

Pakistan turns into a "free sex zone"!

2006-11-15T18:08:00.000-05:00

That's right, ladies and gents. Interested in a little carefree sex in a laid-back atmosphere? Look no further than the glorious state of Pakistan.

A recent vote by Pakistan's national assembly has decided that rape cases will no longer be tried under Shari'a law, where women must provide four male witnesses to prove their case, and punishments for being a rape victim include lashing or stoning. Instead, such cases will be tried in a normal court, under civil law, where perpetrators might actually be convicted of rape. In a country where a woman is raped every two hours, and one is gang-raped every eight, religious critics are absolutely right in claiming that this bill will encourage "free sex" - for once women will be able to freely decide when they want to have sex, and when they don't.

So keep it in your pants, boys.

Toodle-oo Rumsfeld

2006-11-08T17:55:00.000-05:00

Thassright.

I think I believe in America again...?

2006-11-08T08:41:00.000-05:00

Well it looks like we're gonna be seeing fewer of these in South Dakota, thanks to yesterday's elections. SD's government tried to slip a sweeping abortion ban through last year, but thankfully protests forced them to let the people decide. The ban would have banned abortion in all cases, including rape, unless the mother's wife was at stake (well clearly it should be illegal in rape cases - I bet those floozy South Dakotans have been prancing around without their hijabs on, asking for it).

Also, Democrats take the House, cross your fingers for the Senate, and it looks like Armani-clad lady Democrat Nancy Pelosi will be the FIRST female Speaker of the House! That's two steps away from President, folks. Think she can get close enough to give him a swift kick in the nuts?

Iran's Paris Hilton... and Pamela Anderson, and Britney Spears, and...

2006-11-07T20:06:00.000-05:00

A rising young soap star in Iran faces a lashing from the Iranian government as punishment for having sex outside of marriage. Her indiscretion was brought to the attention of the Islamic moral police (yes, the same guys who came close to arresting yours truly just one year ago), when a video of her sexual encounter was widely distributed to the public by an unknown source (probably the lover). The video was apparently taken with her consent.

Interesting how this would ruin a girl's career in Iran, when it would start hers here.

And also, lashing?! Only if those Mullahs put on some high heels and a garter belt and make it interesting.

The bad guys get what's comin' to 'em!

2006-11-05T11:02:00.000-05:00

So let's see... Saddam Hussein has finally been sentenced to death by hanging, and an influential U.S. military newspaper calls for Donald Rumsfeld's resignation! Out with evil military dictators and... evil military dictators!

Haggard the Homo

2006-11-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

This is actually too good to be true. Evangelist Rev. Ted Haggard, the US' loudest opponent to same-sex rights, who calls homosexuality a mortal sin on a regular basis, who advises George dubya on spiritual issues on a weekly basis... is a closet fag! And a methamphetamine user!! How did we not see this earlier? Funny how it's always those who most adamantly oppose homosexuality who end up practicing the opposite of what they preach. At least this time it wasn't a Catholic priest - that was getting a little redundant.

And now, also in this week's news, another right-wing middle aged man who can't seem to let the same-sex marriage issue go... is there something Stephen Harper isn't telling us?

Future Husband of the Week: Barack Obama

2006-11-02T21:29:00.000-05:00

This Illinois Senator has to become president of the United States. Then he has to ditch the wife and two kids so that we can live happily ever after, benevolently leading the people to freedom.

Dead woman painting

2006-11-01T18:48:00.000-05:00

20 year old Delara Dalabi confessed to a murder she says she didn't commit three years ago because her lover - who committed the crime - convinced her that since Iranian law prohibits the execution of minors, as a 17 year old she would face minimum penalty. As it turns out, the Iranian government (surprise, surprise) broke their own laws and decided to execute her anyway. Tehran's Golestan gallery is hosting an exhibition of her works, almost all of which have been produced during her incarceration, to help her fight for her life. Regardless of her fate, these haunting images will live on to tell a story that is unfortunately all too familiar to us now...

Better stock up, kids!

2006-11-01T18:10:00.000-05:00

Colombia's biggest druglord, Orlando Sabogal Zuluaga has just been arrested in Spain. Zuluaga runs a drug cartel that supplies up to half of the world's cocaine.

I have only one question: WHAT WILL THE FASHIONISTAS DO?

Cheney: water torture a 'no brainer'

2006-10-27T17:03:00.000-05:00

I don't even have the energy to comment on this one.

Gooooooo postal workers!

2006-10-27T12:49:00.000-05:00

Canada Post has accepted to distribute a blatently homophobic pamphlet, prepared by an Ontario-based religious group, to residents of Vancouver. The pamphlet calls homosexuality "ungodly," "unhealthy," and "unnatural" and blames homosexual people for spreading AIDS by living without "any moral restraints." (read more here)

In response, 68 postal workers walked off the job and refuse to distribute the pamphlets. Who ever said these guys are all that bad?

I say, "hey religious zealots, leave my fruits alone!!"

Sexy feminist politicians!

2006-10-27T08:44:00.000-05:00

It's all in a day's work for Italian MP Daniela Santanche. Strutting into Parliament in a sexy low-cut outfit, passing a tax on porn, and having her life threatened by Imam Ali Abu Shwaima for pointing out that the Qur'an doesn't actually call for women to be veiled (article here).

Well, that didn't actually all happen in a day - it was more like a year. I just thought it made for a stylish opening.

"She was asking for it"

2006-10-27T08:12:00.000-05:00

So according to a sermon by Sheikh Taj Aldin al Hilali in Sydney last month (click here to read the full article), uncovered pieces of meat (unveiled women) should not be surprised if they are eaten (raped) by passing cats (men). Apparently, "the uncovered meat is the problem. If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred".

Nice, Sheikh. Nice.