Feed the Birds

Only in the States. In a country where birth control is increasingly difficult for teenage girls to find (especially in Texas, where an emphasis on “abstinence only” has led to the highest teenage pregnancy rate in the country), it is being handed out freely to pigeons by mixing it with their feed. Hollywood residents, apparently, feel that birth control is the most effective and humane way to control the population (psst… World Bank, this might be worth looking into)

Oh yeah, and hey pro-lifers! Where are you now??

ILUVU4URARGLP

Ok so for all of you who have been asking me what the difference is between Persians and Arabs, I've finally got an answer for you (besides language, culture, history, and food, that is):


So to clarify, Persians enjoy greasing their hair and wearing badly cut suede jackets and pouting, while Arabs enjoy long white robes and exotic birds. Perfect.

This photo is courtesy of my new favourite group on Facebook: RGLP (Ridiculously Good Looking Persians). As their homepage states, "Some people wish for perfection, others are just born Persian!"... please look up this group for some of the most unfortunate photos of Persians I've ever seen. I mean, good lord. Also, look for the pic of Ahmadinejad.

Should I send a pic in and show them how it's done?

I want to go to jail!

... in the Phillipines!







Their idea of rehabilitation at CPDRC prison seems sound to me:

"Inmates at the CPDRC are required to go through a workout regimen. While the goal is to keep the body fit in order to keep the mind fit, such may not actually happen if it is not done in a manner deemed pleasurable. Music, being the language of the soul, is added to that regimen."

If we stop drinking alcohol, then the terrorists have won

(although I really do hate that warm beer in the plastic cups... unless I'm at the Jazz Fest and have no choice)

Private citizens, behold yet another way that each of us can do our part to fight Islamic fundamentalism. Drink beer! Better yet, drink beer at Kamal "Van Damme" (yes named after our favourite action movie star)'s treehouse/bar in rural Algeria!


Located in Kabylie region, an Islamist stronghold, this Berber 'aint gonna let these t---lheads tell him what to do. According to eyewitnesses, he didn't even stop serving when a group of Islamists ambushed a military patrol vehicle just 400 metres away (though most of his clients ran away). Oh no, this long-haired, bare-chested mountain man (ooh, don't you just want to meet him?) will not be intimidated by a bunch of sober holier-than-thou militiamen, no siree.

Bottoms up!

Does this come in a hybrid?

Ok, so I know this post probably belongs in Mr. Phelps' or Detective Brock's blog, but here's how I justify putting it up here:

The middle east produces oil

Cars use oil

This is a car

I know I said I'd never buy one, but that's before I saw this! Ah, otherwise I'll just pick up one of these:


The world's only zero-emissions rocket.

Spiderwoman and Superman, Together at Last

Thanks to vermin for sending this my way

Good Lord.

For those of you who were there this weekend...

Dear Alcohol:

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, beer at the concert, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:


1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I pick up poutine at Nouveau Palais at 3 in the morning and washed it down with scotch and then WINE? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Wednesday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.