Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Paedophilia, continued ...

Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini's take on marrying and having sex with underaged girls:

"A man can marry a girl younger than nine years of age, even if the girl is still a baby being breastfed. A man, however is prohibited from having intercourse with a girl younger than nine, other sexual acts such as foreplay, rubbing, kissing and sodomy is allowed. A man having intercourse with a girl younger than nine years of age has not committed a crime, but only an infraction, if the girl is not permanently damaged. If the girl, however, is permanently damaged, the man must provide for her all her life. But this girl will not count as one of the man's four permanent wives. He also is not permitted to marry the girl's sister." (You can read his whole fatwa here)

Hmm... wonder which one he would perform on that tasty little thing pictured above?

And now, a question for my readers: is this better than priests sodomizing young boys whom they haven't taken vows with, or worse? Please post a comment to let me know what you think.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Catholics oppose paedophilia... wait - really?

Well apparently. The director of the New-York based Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, Bill Donohue (that's Bill, not Phil), is calling for the indpendent film Hounddog to be banned, because it features a rape scene with a 12-year-old girl as the victim. According to him, sodomy and paedophilia are a Hollywood - and therefore Jewish - phenomenon, being imposed on family-loving, God-fearing, good Catholics such as himself:

Interesting. And yet the top 10 search results on wikipedia using the words "sodomy" and "pedophile" only turn up one religion-related entry: "Roman Catholic sex abuse cases". Hmm. And on Google, the same search only gets me article after article about sodomozing-pedophile Catholic priests... and one about a Republican (of course). B-but... I must be searching wrong, right Mr.Donohue? Where are all the Jews?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Khosh Omadin beh Tehran (Welcome to Tehran)

Nice to know some things are universal. Like bad rap.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The burkini has arrived

No, that's not what it looks like. I'd totally wear one if it was, though. But the burkini does exist, thanks to its invention by a Sydney-based Muslim designer. Muslim women can now take to the beach in one of these sexy little numbers! (appreciative whistle)

Monday, January 15, 2007

Future Husbands of the Week: These Guys!!

For those of you who haven't seen the undeniable beauty in the Koranic phrase "and beat them", it's time for you to get school'd. You see, rather than viewing the Koran as a spiritual document, it is more useful to conceive of it as a manual on life and, more importantly, on how to deal with "wives". As a microwave manual tells us not to put anything metal in it, untold dangers await men who do not heed the Koran's advice regarding the treatment of wives. Rods are best.

Mmm... nothing makes me feel the masculinity and power of my husband than getting a good beating. In fact, I crave it. What's with these rules, though? No bruising or bleeding? What kinds of beatings ARE these guys giving then? A slap? A little pinch, perhaps? Pussies.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Fashion police!

Literally. The police force of our favourite Islamic Republic recently hosted a fashion exhibition. Yes that's right. The goal? To give young Iranian women a little advice about the dos and don'ts when it comes to Islamic fashion, naturally. Here's one of their examples of what not to wear:

Umm... yeah, thanks guys. I'll keep than in mind next time i get the urge to dress up like an Islamic exotic bird. And what about those two guys in the background? Is a maroon t-shirt tucked into pale jeans a "do" or a "don't"? Help me, fashion police!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Why rich men like to date Montreal barmaids

First of all, Canada finally has a society magazine! Just like the Hamptons! And what a society magazine it is, people. Printed on the glossy pages of the autumn issue is an article written by a wealthy (crescent street trolling) man who likes to date Montreal barmaids... and not just any barmaids, oh no. According to our friend (who deserves a swift kick in the nuts) 'Simon Dice', students working at bars to pay their way through school are just no fun. Here's a little guide to help you tell the difference between them and the ideal barmaid/piece of meat:

Why do Mr.Dice and his friends seek these girls out? Well, naturally, because those belonging to the category on the right have a vulnerable care-free attitude, and these guys feel the need to help them out. The poor things. The worst part is, these girls probably feel lucky to have landed one of these fat, bmw-driving, Pino restaurant-dining, Newtown happy hour-attending assholes. Or is the worst part that men like our friend Simon exist in the first place? (L - if you're wondering why I haven't found the sugar daddy of my dreams...)

Please take the time to read the article/embarassment-to-the-field-of-journalism below, which I took the time to scan and upload just to prove to you all (and to posterity?) that I'm not making this up. If you can make it past the glaring typos, misspellings and horrificly 'gino' grammar, you'll come across GEMS like these:

"all the good ones are taken already and what's left out there is a bunch of desperate spinsters"

"typical woman, always finding a problem and making it bigger than life"

barmaid: "back in Russia the men treat us like objects, and you treat us like human beings" (emphasis added)

- desperate spinster, montreal

Friday, January 05, 2007

Future Husband of the Week: Noah Charney

This guy is the classic tall, dark & handsome mysterious type. While pursuing his PhD in art history at Cambridge, he has founded a consulting firm to help authorities solve art theft crimes. Based on which pieces the thieves steal and the way they steal them, he puts together a profile of the criminal to help the police catch them. He might as well be James Bond. Can't you just picture him in a dark suit with his hair slicked back?

Props to the lady detective who found this one.