Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Bush prepares to bring it

Ok ok, so you've all been reading about this in the papers the past few weeks, and I've delayed comment until now. Bush has moved a second US navy aircraft carrier strike group into the Persian Gulf, and according to last week's New Yorker, has also set up a planning committee to come up with an airstrike plan against Iran that can be made effective within 24 hours. Meanwhile, the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff has declared a "zero chance" of war with Iran, citing all of the reasons that we in the rational world are all aware of as to why such a war would be collossaly stupid for the US to get involved in. Five generals and admirals in the US army have announced that they will resign if an attack on Iran is ordered. Clearly, there's trouble in Washington. Well, that's all well and good, but there will be more generals and admirals lined up to take their place, with more malleable consciences and more pitiful IQs. There is no shortage of collossaly stupid, short-sighted, racist, narrow-minded, etc people in the Bush administration, and in the armed forces. Case in point:

"Do you have any idea how many Generals their are in the U.S. If it is true a few will resign so be it, they can give up their 10 to 15 thousand dollar a month retirement. If they can't obey the orders of the Command in Chief, the President of the US, they shouldn't be in the military. I agree with Christopher, the only thing these extremists know is a bullet in the head. I say stop playing around with them, lets bring the full force of the United States on them. I can't believe some of the comments and articles I've read here and in the Russian paper. What has happened to this world, we seem to spend more time and effort fighting each other than fighting the evil forces of this world... Most of Europe, Russia and China are a joke in our efforts. I think we should relocate the UN to one of their countries and stop our 5 billion dollar funding. They can take all their spies with them.. I have served my country and never once I asked why, I just did it as it was my duty...."

- Michael L. Blair, Retired USAF, Colorado Springs, USA/Colorado

This comment was posted in response to the article I've linked to above, which was published by the Times. Let's ignore the grammatical and punctuation errors, shall we? That leaves us with a military man from Colorado, calling the Iranians extremists. I'd like to take a walk through the streets of Colorado Springs holding up a mirror.

Yes, Ahmadinejad is a nutjob trying to instigate the great battle between Good and Evil in order to bring back the 12th Imam, who has been hiding since the 9th century, and who will come back to earth on the Day of Judgement and restore peace on earth. Unless by 'Imam' he means 'atomic bomb', and by 'Day of Judgement' he means 'nuclear winter', then there is no doubt as to his delusion. Unfortunately, neither is there any doubt as to George W. Bush's delusions of achieving world domination and turning all its citizens into replicas of our friend Michael Blair from Colorado Springs. So attack Iran they will, and such an attack will almost certainly wipe out any hope they had of reclaiming the hegemonic status that has slipped through their fingers. While some might be tempted to breathe a sigh of relief when this happens, I'm afraid that the alternative is much, much worse. Get your headscarves ready, ladies.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

That's Ms. Priest to you

Ok well aside from Pat Priest, I've spotted some new lady priests on the horizon. And not from where you'd expect, my dears. Looks like Islam beats the Catholics on this one: Morroccan Muslims have recognized women "priests" (as the bbc puts it - how cute). Oh yes, that's right. These female religious leaders, called the Mourchidat, are permitted to perform all the functions of their male counterparts, except for leading prayer. This law is far from being accepted in other Muslim countries - Morocco is still the leader when it comes to women's rights, with 35 female MPs (and these with a higher average level of education than the men they work with - zzzinnnnng!). Still, in a country where the King claims to be a descendent of the prophet, it's pretty impressive.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Bloggers, unite!

Blog comrade Kareem Amer has been sentenced to four years in Egyptian prison, having been charged with the following:
- Spreading data and malicious rumors that disrupt public security
- Defaming the President of Egypt
- Incitement to overthrow the regime upon hatred and contempt
- Incitement to hate “Islam” and breach of the public peace standards
- Highlighting inappropriate aspects that harm the reputation of Egypt and spreading them to the public

This is the first blogger that has actually been sentenced to jail time for the contents of his blog. We must not stand for this! In a show of solidarity, I ask you all to do the following: defame our own leader, and highlight 'inappropriate' aspects of the Canadian government and spread them to the public (incitement to hate Islam is just too easy). Do it!

Check out the free Kareem site as well to sign the petition (hey, they can be helpful, just remember Avenue Robert Bourassa!) and get more info.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Modern Love IV: 现代爱 (Modern Love)

I've finally found it. Forget lavalife - I've got a foolproof plan for all you women out there who want to find yourselves a partner for this life and the next: move to China. Since the 1970s, Chinese parents have been allowed only one child. Since a baby boy is by far preferable to a baby girl, as we all know, most of these parents opted for a son. Fast forward to 2007 - we have a grave situation here. Only so many of them can be gay. The proportion of men to women in the young adult population is waaaay off, meaning that just about every girl will have several suitors to choose from. Sound good?

Now in case that doesn't work out, don't hop on that return flight just yet! You have one more chance to pair up - and make a few bucks while you're at it. All you have to do is head over to the Loess Plateau region, where "minghun" (afterlife marriage) is still practiced. According to this tradition, dead bachelors are buried with recently deceased women, who will accompany them in the afterlife. Price tag on a live mail-order bride? $1,840. Price tag on a woman's recently deceased body? $2,390. Having a soulmate for all eternity? Priceless. This looks to be a growing trade - I hear there are lots of bachelors in China.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Modern Love III: Modern Love (David Bowie)

(sigh), the thin white duke.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Modern Love II: Internet Pyar (Internet Love - Indian Style)

To continue this weeks theme of "modern love", I bring you a report on India's novel use of the internet. As we all know, a good arranged marriage is hard to come by these days. Enter the internet - and we have a growing market for online matrimonial match-making sites. Users can search by caste, career, or region - all the things that are most important when choosing a suitable mate...

You know, as I write this in my usual mocking tone, it occurs to me that this isn't a terrible idea after all. Statistics show that arranged marriages tend to last longer than "love" marriages. If a gal can find her ideal man online, with all the specs she desires, who needs love anyway?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Modern Love I: Eshghe Interneti (Internet Love)

Ahmadinejad may have banned high-speed internet in Iran, but these kids are thoroughly modern (and apparently take their style cues from New Jersey from the looks of it). Listen for the "you've got mail" sample.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Too far?

... a Disney world in Bahrain, that is (not my cartoon). Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, apparently sick and tired of having to take his private jet all the way to Tokyo or Paris, is in talks to see if he can't get one built a little closer to home. Why didn't anyone think of this earlier? Why hasn't anyone thought of building a huge monument to the United States in one of the only countries in the world with a Shi'ite majority (the other two being Iraq and Iran), plagued by popular uprisings against the Sunni minority ruling class who are seen as illegitimate and criticized for playing into the hands of the United "Great Satan" States? I mean, the economy is great!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Let's put that universal language to work!

Ok see the posting below, if you haven't already. Then watch this video.

Now, try watching the video again, but replace the subtitles with the following:

"do, a deer, a female deer
re, a drop of golden sun
mi, a name i call myself
fa, a long long way to run
sol, a needle pulling thread
la, a note to follow so
ti, a drink with jam and bread
that will bring us back to do (oh-oh-oh)"

isn't that nice? It really does work! Persians and Arabs can get along!

Do re mi fa sol la si do!

Music is always touted as a universal language... but Francois Sudre (d. 1862) took this notion a step further and invented Solresol, a very simple language that people from around the world could use to communicate with eachother, thus eliminating the need to study foreign languages. In order to make it neutral, he used the seven syllables of music as the basis (see title).

As one website puts it: "Of course, the French will always speak French, the English will always speak English, the Russians will always speak Russian, etc., but Solresol will be the common link, the universal means of communicating one's thoughts, in speech or even without speech, from afar as well as up close, in secrecy as well as in broad daylight."

(sniff), that's beautiful. Maybe now we can all try to understand eachother and stop the fighting.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Keep it in your pants, Israel

Only a short while after the scandalalous rape and sexual abuse charges were leveled against Israel's president Moshe Katsav, former justice minister Haim Ramon has been convicted of "forcibly kissing" a 21-year-old female soldier at a "let's bomb the shit out of Lebanon" shindig at the Defense Ministry this summer. He claims she was flirting with him, and that therefore the kiss was consensual. She has countered that he is 8 years older than her father, and that no-one in their right mind would flirt with him. Apparently, what he considers "flirting" is her asking him to pose in a picture with her. For Katsav, it was enough that these women simply worked in the same office as him.

Now, I would like to direct your attention to the two photos above. Ramon (top) and Katsav (bottom), I have a message for you: you are old, ugly, fat, and disgusting. Nobody is ever going to flirt with you, nobody ever did, and if you ever got laid it was because you exploited your positions of power. Go hire yourselves some prostitutes like everyone else (I hear there are a lot of Iraqi women offering their services in Syria now since all other ways to earn a livelihood have been destroyed)

(p.s. this is purely an anti-Israeli government officials rant, and has nothing to do with my feelings for the Jewish people or faith. I love Jews! Right P.P.?)